Posted by: MarlaHB | March 17, 2009

Silence Speaks…

 

“It is indeed a radical act of love just to sit down and be quiet for a time by yourself.”
Jon Kabat-Zinn, Arriving at your own Door: 108 Lessons in Mindfulness

Quiet. My greatest clarity has come during the times I have given myself the gift of quiet. In those moments, my truth has always been waiting for me.

Most recently, the message was clear. “Stop. Rest. Re-focus. Or, you’ll no longer have a choice.”

My body had been giving me messages that I was ignoring for some time. Brain fog that didn’t clear – as if I never woke up during the day. Exhaustion. Chronic sinus problems.

Eventually, feeling unwell was no longer acceptable to me. I knew that life had more for me – but I needed to be healthy and whole to be prepared for it.

“When we, as individuals, first rediscover our spirit, we are usually drawn to nurture and cultivate this awareness. This often involves withdrawing from the world to one degree or another, and going within.”
Shakti Gawain, Living in the Light

Stress had taken its toll on me, but I wasn’t ready to give up. In silence, I listened to my Higher Self and took action. Withdrawal was the direct outcome. I left my job to focus on self-care.

It felt scary. I didn’t have a backup plan. But I knew I had to do it. I gave my notice and within a month, I was done. At times, especially with the economic doom and gloom, I thought I must be nuts to leave. In many ways, I had a very good thing going. Still, it was time to choose.

It took a couple of weeks to settle in – new routines are challenging. I learned that self-care wasn’t as easy as it seemed. I found many ways to keep myself busy, avoiding the real work that I left my paid job to do. Once I accepted my new reality and made the effort to remain present, I could feel my energy shift.

It’s been five weeks since my last day of work. It feels longer. If it wasn’t for my link to the outside world through my family’s schedule and my weekly chiropractor appointments, all sense of time would be lost on me now.

Surprisingly (or maybe not), it’s only been about a week since I’ve started to feel better: clearer, more positive and energetic. While I sometimes catch myself feeling impatient, I do sense a light at the end of the tunnel.

I still have no plan. I have no idea how long this work will take. And I don’t know what comes next. It’s scary. It’s exciting.

Through silence, I trust that my intuition will guide me toward a higher good for my self and for others. Right now, that focus is on my spirit. One day, I’ll be able to integrate it with the more physical stuff of life.

For now, when I’m asked that dreaded question, “What kind of work do you do?”, I suppose my answer could include that I’m doing the work of Monks and Creators (described in Whole Life’s Work by Lewis Richmond). Not a bad conversation starter.

Mine is certainly not a populist path. But, in week six of this new phase of the journey, I don’t seem to care that much anymore. I suppose I always had a soft spot for the rebel in me.

Following our intuition takes courage – and – courage is within each of us when we need it. Love yourself. Go within and do whatever it is that you are being called to do. Leave no regrets.

Until next time…breathe.

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